


Four Walls

by Moya_Rozum_is_a_beautiful_Disaster13



Category: Mickey Milkovich and Ian Gallagher - Fandom, Shameless (US), gallavich - Fandom
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Daddy Ian, Daddy Mickey, Domestic Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Future Fic, Gallavich AU, Hurt Ian Gallagher, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher & Mandy Milkovich Friendship, Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich Friendship, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich Fluff, Light Angst, Married Ian gallagher and Mickey Milkovich, Mickey has amnesia, Other, Protective Ian Gallagher, Sad Ian Gallagher, Temporary Amnesia, amnesia Mickey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6680194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moya_Rozum_is_a_beautiful_Disaster13/pseuds/Moya_Rozum_is_a_beautiful_Disaster13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when the love of your life losses his memory and doesnt know no one thing about you. After going through so much, Ian and Mickey have to face one more battle in order to be happy. Even the universe couldnt tear them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is a little two part fic I've had in mind of writing. Part one is being released today and part two will come tomorrow. This is fic is a happy birthday fic to the one and only Dani who I also know on my twitter account as IanMickeyFan. Amazing person and this is for you. Sorry I couldnt get both parts out tonight, but tomorrow pt 2 will be out. This is my birthday present to you. xoxoxox I hope you enjoy your day and weekend and party it up.
> 
> Well My mojo is back and thanks thanks to Mary she knows why. 
> 
> Again I have no beta so I apologizes for any mistakes. I hope you guys love it.

The call he got shock him to the core. Ian had no idea what he was in for; he didn’t know what do or how to think or breathe let alone comprehend what was just told to him. As soon as he got the call from the hospital saying that Mickey had been in an accident. He dropped the phone and ran out of their apartment. After everything they had been through. The fights, the break up, the pain of losing one another, Mickey getting sent to jail, then being released due to his charges being dropped down from the lack of evidence and his good behavior; this could not be happening to them. Not now, not like this.

When Mickey was released from Jail no one knew at first, he kept it a secret. But then of course Svetlana knew and then so did everyone else. When Ian found out, he was shocked yet he was happy that his ex boyfriend wasn’t behind bars anymore, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be civil to each other. In addition it took a while for Mickey to even talk to Ian, to even want to see him at all. And it took a while for Ian to even look or talk to Mickey. He was happy he was out but felt bad as well. He couldn’t have imagine how hard it must have been for him in jail. Mickey would have and never did tell him. But after a while, Svetlana and Debbie couldn’t stand them not talking to each other and somehow they metaled their way into their lives. So much so that they both finally caved in and decided to talk to each other. They were friends at first and even tried to support one another at least and do their best.

To say that Mickey was okay with Ian having a boyfriend would be a lie, but he didn’t let him know it. Yeah he wasn’t happy that Ian moved on, but he knew he couldn’t wait around for him. That wouldn’t be fair to him or Ian, so Mickey tried to move on. And he did. He went on dates, fucked around saw people, hung out. His way of moving on. However; that didn’t go so well for Ian. Because one day he saw Mickey with a new guy, some random new guy. Mickey was openly flirting with him and holding hands like it was nothing. Ian knew he shouldn’t have been angry or jealous. He had no right, he moved on or so he thought and Mickey should find someone one too…Right? But that didn’t stop Ian from being jealous and upset, and once he realized he wasn’t over his ex-boyfriend he ended things with his current then boyfriend.

The problem was; was that Mickey wasn’t giving in to Ian so easily. See Ian knew he hurt Mickey, and Mickey still felt that pain of rejection, that pain of hopelessness and that pain of not being loved back. He even told Ian and Ian would remember those exact words when Mickey said to him “It’s one thing to love someone Gallagher, but it’s another to trust that same person who you love, that who broke you” Mickey once told Ian. It was then that Ian understood that no one could love or be in love with him like Mickey was. That he had to somehow get the love of his life back. No matter how long it took.

It wasn’t easy, god it wasn’t easy. Ian had to earn Mickeys trust back in the most hardest ways, and it took some time. But eventually Ian made his move and Mickey accepted it. Their first kiss that they shared for the first time in a long time was one Ian would always remember. One where it was so much passion and love that he knew he was missing something in his life just as much as Mickey knew it. They both needed each other, but they both did need to be on their own at one point. And well it was time for them to be back together again. And that was when Ian Gallagher swore on his life and soul, that he wouldn’t ever leave Mickey Milkovich again. He swore that he would never hurt Mickey in any way, and that he would be his forever.

With that being said Mickey and Ian had been living in their own 2 bedroom apartment now for over 3 years now, and had been married for about 2 years. After everything that happened between them, and a bumpy road that lead them back together; things were okay finally. Everything they wanted was set in motion. They had part custody of Yevgeny and were talking about having a kid of their own. But now…now this happened and Ian didn’t know what to do.

So now Ian was rushing to the hospital, he was driving so fast he knew he was breaking so many traffic laws but he didn’t care. He needed to get to his husband, he needed to know Mickey was alive and safe and well. By the time he got to the hospital he was out of breath, his legs were weak and he had this bad feeling in his gut. He rushed to the front desk “Hi my name is Ian Gallagher, my husband Mickey was brought in earlier. I got a call from the hospital! Where is he?” Ian said in a rush

The receptionist looked up and Ian “Hi…Mr. Gallagher is it? Okay what is your husband name again?”

“Um its Mickey Milkovich-Gallagher, he’s 27 years old, 5’7….” Ian said rushing, and then became impatient “Anything ring a fucking bell, they said he was in an accident, so where is he?” Ian said harshly to her

The receptionist didn’t seem fazed by Ian’s outburst, but she just typed away on the computer. “Okay Mr. Gallagher, your husband right now it currently in the ICU, the doctor will be out here in a minute to talk to you okay? Please sit down; I’ll page her right now so she can talk to you.” the receptionist said to him

Ian looked at shocked “ICU! What you mean he’s in the ICU! What the fuck happened?” Ian said, his voice was louder than before

“I can’t say Mr. Gallagher, I’m not a doctor. Only she can tell you. Now please have a seat and she will be here shortly .” She said giving him a sad smile. She then went on to page the doctor.

Ian sat down and he was nervous and jumpy. He text Lip, and called Debbie who was currently at home with almost everyone. “Debs?”

“Ian? Ian what wrong?” Debbie said to him over the phone

“It’s Mickey” Ian sob out and he was currently crying now. Not knowing what was wrong with Mickey he didn’t know what to think. But he was thinking the worst.

“Ian what you mean it’s Mickey?” She said and the background noise that was loud over the phone a few minutes ago was now quiet “Ian talk to me? What’s wrong? Is Mickey okay?” Debbie said desperately

Ian had to collect himself a bit. He breathed in and out “He’s in the hospital….they said he was in an accident and I don’t know what happened….but I’m here waiting and I don’t know what to think.” Ian said and was crying again

Ian couldn’t hear Debbie moving around, but she was. “What hospital are you at? I’m on my way okay.”

Ian told her where he was at and could overhear Carl and what sounded like Svetlana, V and Kevin over the phone. He didn’t pay much attention to the background noise anymore as he is just staring out at the ground. He hung the phone up quickly and waited in silence, as soon as he went to go back to the receptionist and ask for the doctor again. An average height pale young doctor came out. She had jet black hair and light brown eyes. Her hair was pinned up and she looked exhausted as well “Mr. Gallagher?” She said in a soft voice. Ian got up and walked towards her as if he was on autopilot in a way. “Hi, My name is doctor Nieves, I was the one to treat your husband. Will you come with me in the back please?” She said and Ian nodded his head

He followed her in the back and into the hall where she stopped in front of a door and turn around to look at him and speak. “Mr. Gallagher”

“Ian, just call me Ian” Ian said to Dr. Nieves

“Ian” She said but was cut off by Ian before she could continue

“Look just tell me he’s alive okay….please tell me my husband is alive” Ian said choking as he spoke

Dr. Nieves looked at him and sigh “Yes, he is but-”

“Oh thank god” Ian said and wiped his face. He felt like he could breathe again

“Ian?” Dr. Nieves said and Ian looked up at her. He knew that tone of voice he knew something else was wrong “Ian there was some complications.”

“Complications!? What you mean?” Ian asked

“Well- being that he was involved in a hit a run. The driver ran past a red light hitting his car straight on. He suffered a major head injury, as well as a few broken ribs. We had to do an emergency surgery on him. The blunt force trauma to his brain that was caused from the accident, made his brain swell up. We had to release the pressure, which meant doing surgery on him. Now during surgery everything went fine, but after words-” She tried to continue but Ian cut her right off

“After words? What the fuck do you mean? You just said the surgery went fine, you just said it went fine!?”Ian said frantically. He still couldn’t comprehend what was happening

“Yes it did, but then he started to seized up and when we were able to calm that down….he. His body is reacting normal to the medication and he is doing well and his nervous system and brain are functioning well also but….Ian. Your husband slipped into coma.” She said to him.

Ian didn’t know what he just heard. Mickey was in a coma and alone. Ian didn’t hear the doctor talking any more he barely heard himself. He felt his knees give out and all of sudden everything went black.

***

When Ian came to, he was lying on a bed, not his own, but in the hospital. He looked around and saw his family around him sitting down. He sat up and Lip was the first one to notice

“Hey man you okay?” Lip said

“No” Ian said “What the fuck happened? Why am I in a hospital bed?” Ian said and then all of a sudden he remembered why he was in the hospital, why he was there in the first place. “MICKEY!” Ian said jumping up from the bed almost falling from being dizzy, but Lip got up faster and held his brother up.

“Hey, hey, hey man calm down okay. He’s fine. Ian he’s fine” Lip tried to tell him

“NO, no, he’s not. The doctor said he’s in a coma. He’s not fine I have to see him.” Ian said

“Ian you need to calm down before you pass out again okay. We’re gonna get you there to him but you need to calm down first okay?” Lip said to his brother. Calming Ian down was something everyone needed including Ian himself.

Ian didn’t want to hear it, but he knew his brother was right. He sat down on the bed and tried to control his breathing. Debbie was up with little Frances, Svetlana, Yevgeny; Veronica and Kevin where there as well with their little girls. Carl was on the side and Fiona was even their and showed up (that was a surprise)

Debbie got up and went to Ian “I called Mandy and Iggy, their on their way. Mandy said she was in New York but was on the first plane out here as soon as she can take it.” There was a silence in the room for a moment and Debbie looked at her brother who was in more pain then she had seen him in years “the doctor told us he was in accident and he slipped into coma. She didn’t tell us much. And we haven’t gone in to see him yet. We figured you want to first.” She said rubbing his back and watching the tears fall from his face.

No one said nothing and then Yevgeny had got up and went to his papa. The 8 year old, looked just like his father in every way. He was even trying to sport a hard look on his face now just like his dad would. But when he got up to his papa and saw Ian’s face. Tears came down and he hugged his dad for dear life. You can say both him and his dad loved Ian so much, that no one or nothing could make stop them from loving him. Svetlana wiped her face and excused herself for a moment, her emotions were everywhere but would never show them. Someone had to be strong for them, why not her?

Everyone in the room was effect by this tragedy. They had no idea what was going to happen or what will happen. All they knew was that someone they had cared to love, that they had learn to care for, was now laid up in a bed now fighting for his life.

Being a paramedic Ian knew that it could go either way. Mickey could be okay or he could end up with a type of brain damage or even….even….Ian didn’t want to think of it. A life without Mickey would be like him not living as well. Ian just held on to his son and kissed his forehead and looked at everyone in the room. A few moments later Ian got up and went to the bathroom and washed his face and looked at the mirror. He had to do this. He had to see his husband now; he needed to see his husband.

When he got out the bathroom, he walked out of the room and went to the nurses’ station and asked for the doctor. When she appeared again, Ian told her he wanted to see Mickey and she gave him a smile and showed him where he was. The doctor didn’t separate them; she put Ian across the hall from where Mickey was, when he passed out on her.

Ian went up to the door and turned the knob and walked inside slowly. What Ian saw brought a few more tears out. Lying on the bed was Mickey. A few monitors hooked up to him. The doctor said they took the breathing tube out of him because he was breathing on his own, but he still was comatose for the moment. His vitals were improving and Dr. Nieves told Ian that Mickey was a strong person. Ian thanked her and sat right next to his husband bed. He took Mickey’s bandaged up hand and wrapped his own hand on around it the best he could. He ran his fingers over the exposed skin that wasn’t bandaged up. The cuts and bruise he saw over his husband body was too much. Mickey’s ribs were wrapped, that bandages on his head you can tell were just replaced. He looked up at Mickey and didn’t even think this was his husband, but he knew it was. No one couldn’t have FUCK U-UP tattoos like he did on his knuckles. The nurse said that some of his skin was burned off from his chest due to him being flung out the car. The doctor told him that if he wasn’t wearing his seat belt, it could have been worse. Ian knew that, Ian knew all of this. But right now he just needed Mickey to be okay and get better and wake up. So the only thing Ian could do was just hold his hand and pray to whoever heard him, that Mickey will be okay.

********

Soon after Ian staying with Mickey in his room and holding his hand; Ian wasn’t alone anymore in Mickey’s room with him. Svetlana came in with Yevgeny who sat with his papa and held onto his dad's’ hand. Debbie and Carl sat on the other side of the bed, Lip, Fiona along with Kevin and V took turns coming in making sure everyone was okay. When visiting hours were up, everyone left except Ian. Not the nurse, or anyone, not even god himself could pry Ian away from Mickey. And no one did. He slept there that night next to his husband, and every night till Mickey woke up.

Iggy and Mandy arrived at the hospital the next day early in the morning. Mandy tried to be strong, but broke when Ian told her what the doctor told him. Iggy was motionless looking at his little brother helplessly. Iggy stepped out for a moment and when he came back his eyes were red and puff. No one said anything about it; But Ian knew it hit him hard to see his little brother like this. It did for everyone. When your family, your family….it means something. It always did to Mickey.

***

They took turns watching Mickey, when Ian left to shower and come back. It wasn’t until the 10 th day of being in the hospital that Ian felt Mickey’s hand move and squeeze his. The motion was so sudden that Ian didn’t register it until he squeezed his hand back and Mickey squeezed his hand again. 

“Mickey? Mickey baby!?” Ian said excitedly and surprised. 

Mickey blinked a few times, it was hard to open his eyes, and his throat was dry. He could barely talk. He tried to say water, but nothing would come out. His eyes were closed and he tried to sit up, but he felt a pair of hand hold him down gently and he heard someone call for the doctor. “I’m pressing the button for the nurse” He heard a guy say then he heard a girl say “I’ll get the doctor” and heard a door close.

Mickey tried to lick his lips, they were cracked and then he felt something near his mouth and heard the same man say “Here drink up from the straw okay.” And Mickey did so. He drank and drank till there was no more water left. He leaned more back into his pillow and sighed. He felt like someone had smashed in his head and he had this huge fucking headache and it was killing him. His body he could feel was in pain and he felt like someone just beat the shit out of him. His back was in pain, his chest felt like it was burning and tingling at the same time. He didn’t know what to think. 

He kept his eyes closed and slowly tried to open them little by little. When he did he saw that there were 2 men in the room one of them looked kind of familiar, but he couldn’t tell because his headache was bad he couldn’t focus so much. And suddenly the door opened up and then there were three more people in the room. 3 women. One woman who was wearing navy blue scrubs came up to him and smile. Everything was blurry still to him, he was able to see that they were people from the figures, but it was blurry to him. ‘Where the fuck was he? What happened to him? Wait…who the fuck is he again? Mickey thought to himself.

“Mickey, god your gonna be okay babe, this is Dr. Nieves.” Ian said and Mickey looked at him weird and though (Mickey? Who’s that?)

His eyes were wandering the room frantically and then they landed on the man who was talking to him. Mickey was able to see the figure move forward and hand him a pair of glasses. He was able to see now and what he saw took his breath away. The man that was talking to him was this redhead guy with really green eyes. God he was beautiful. Mickey thought to himself

“Mickey! Oh my fucking god, don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again” the redhead guy cried out holding on to his hand. He had tears in his eyes. ‘Why was this guy crying? Who was he?’ he thought to himself

Then he realized it “Who’s Mickey? And who are you?” Mickey said looking at the tall redhead next to his bed who was holding his hand. Mickey frowned and looked down at their hand and then looked back up “Do I know you?” he said again to the red head. He had no idea who this man was and why he was holding his hand

Ian was shocked and confused. How could Mickey not know him? “Mickey it’s me, Ian....you don’t remember me? You’re Mickey, Mickey Milkovich you’re in the hospital” Ian said nearly choking up.

Mickey shook his head no at Ian and then thought about it some more. At first it left a question mark in his head, but then slowly he feels his memory coming back and then as it came out of nowhere and it jumps back in him like fireworks “Yeah” he said in a whisper “I’m Mickey Milkovich.” He says to himself and looks up at Ian “I’m sorry I don’t know who you are, or who I am really? I know I’m Mickey Milkovich, who are you?” He said politely to this Ian guy who he didn’t know. Mickey felt bad, because the man sitting next to his bed was at the brink of tears and Mickey knew he was trying to hold them in. Mickey didn’t let the man hand go. Maybe that will make him feel better if he held onto it a little more? He didn’t know.

Ian composed himself well and answered Mickey “Well…I’m Ian Gallagher….you don’t really remember me do you?” Ian asked him

Mickey tries again to remember something he has forgotten, but can’t. It’s like it’s there but it’s not. He can’t get the name to register anything familiar about this guy. It’s as if he can feel his memories slipping through his head but he can’t connect them right now and his head is started to hurt again from it. Right now it feels like something has slipped out from him, liked a fucked up game of hide and seek.

He looks back at Ian and sadly says to him “I’m really sorry; I don’t know who you are?” Mickey said and then smirk at Ian and licks his lips “But I can tell you right now, if I did I would. You’re fucking hot man” Mickey says to Ian smiling at him

Ian blushes and smiles at Mickeys response. Mickey dunks his head in embarrassment. He doesn’t even know the guy and he’s hitting on him. God he hopes he’s someone good to Mickey, but Mickey is thinking of all kinds of things to do to this guy named Ian. Then Mickey shakes his head. What the fuck man, you just found out who you are! You can’t go hitting on random guys! Nice one asshole’ Mickey thinks to himself

Doctor Nieves stepped forward and went up to Mickey and spoke “Hi, My name is Dr. Nieves.” She said to him and spoke carefully “I’m your doctor; you were admitted into the hospital about over 10 days ago. You sustained a head injury from a car accident. You were in coma for 10 days….Can you tell me anything that you remember?” She asked him

Mickey shook his head “I don’t know.” He said “Um…My name is Mickey Milkovich…I’m from the south side of Chicago….I ah…I have brothers and a younger sister….I mean I don’t know what else to tell you.” Mickey said looking back at her.

“Fuck….okay I was afraid this might happen to you” She said “The surgery we did and the car accident you were in must have caused this. Either one really could have caused this. 50 percent chance, Amnesia is sometimes a possibility when it comes to head injury. Such as the one you sustained, granted we were able to have a successful surgery for you, but there was always a chance you may end up losing your memory temporary, but it was expected nonetheless.” Dr. Nieves said. 

“Wait the fuck a minute? What are you saying right now? Are you saying he doesn’t remember anything? No one, like nothing at all?” the redhead man, Ian was it? Said to the doctor harshly. 

She sighed “Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. I know you and Mr. Milkovich siblings have a lot of question, but right now Mickey needs rest and visiting hours will be over soon. But I will like to examine him real quick if you don’t all mind.” She said

Mickey then looked around the room before she can start her examination and said “Who are these people in here?” He said again. Looking around and staring at another man who had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes and a young woman who had blonde hair and blue eyes like him. “You two look familiar, do I know you?” He said to Mandy and Iggy

“Yeah…yeah were siblings Mick. It’s me Mandy and Iggy? Don’t you remember us?” Mandy said sadly

Mickey gave them a weird look and shook his head “Mandy and Iggy? No you can’t be? Mandy isn’t blonde and your blonde and Iggy is young. You look too look old to be them?” he said to them, “but you look so much like them….like you guys have grown or some shit? Plus Mandy would never get caught wearing some shit you’re wearing.” Mickey said look at her and laughing to himself

“Fuck you douchebag, I’ve been here for days waiting for your ass to wake up.” Mandy said glaring at her brother and then smiled at him

“Oh my god….it really is you.” Mickey said looking at his sister and then looked at Iggy. “Iggy?” Mickey said questioning his judgement

“Yeah bro, it’s me.” Iggy said coming towards him “You don’t remember? Like anything”

And again as if in que Mickey started to think and the last thing he remembered was him and his brothers getting in trouble when he as 16 or 15 years old. He then looked up at Iggy and spoke “You look like my brother and sister, but you don’t?” Mickey said “I mean is the year fucking 2009, because the last thing I remember was us putting cherry bombs in the school bathrooms and having them go off. And Mandy is supposed to be like younger with different color hair and shit.” Mickey said  

The room went silent and no one said anything at his remark. Just then Dr. Nieves stepped in and looked at Mickey before anyone could ask any questions. She flashed a light into Mickey's eyes and he turned away quickly blocking it.

“Fuck my eyes man. Fucking headache” he said

The doctor turned to the nurse who was in the room and dressed in light blue scrubs and told her to give him some pain medicine for his head. She looked back at Mickey. Who looked like he was even more confused and somewhat scared. He was trying to think real hard and process things and that would be bad if he tried hard and too much information was giving to him at once. His brain could overload and that would be worse thing for anyone. Dr. Nieves told everyone in the room to please step out so she could do a full examination on Mickey. Ian was reluctant, but knew he had to leave. Dr. Nieves examine his head again and checked his vitals once over before she spoke to Mickey “Mickey do you want to know what year it is?” she asked him

Mickey took a breath and tried to calm down while nodding his head. “Um…Yeah” Mickey said

“It is currently 2021, you’re 27 years old Mickey.” She said and Mickey looked at her stunned not knowing what to say

“No fucking way… no fucking way.” Mickey said and over and over again, trying hard to process it. 12 years…12 fucking years of his life gone and Mickey doesn’t know what the fuck to do or think.

“Mickey….I know this may be a bit of a shock…but you’re going to be okay.” She said.

****

Later that evening Mickey was resting in his bed laying down and thinking of what he may have missed. It kept him up. He didn’t know what to think or do right now. The redhead guy; Ian was his name kept checking up on him and asking him if he was okay and if he remembered anything. He told him he didn’t, and that he was sorry. Ian had laughed and said “You never say that you’re sorry ever, unless you know you are really guilty. But you’re not for this. This isn’t your fault. So you shouldn’t say you’re sorry Mick.” Mickey felt that it was a shame that he didn’t remember this guy; he was attractive as fuck and somewhat out spoken, like a badass and Mickey found that hot.

Mickey liked having Ian around him, even the nickname he gave him ‘Mick’ sounded nice. During the evening they doctor had to give Mickey medication to sleep because he just couldn’t. They did tell him he could go home in a few weeks, but they had to keep him for now under watch. Mickey sighed at that and just wanted to go home and be home in his bedroom. He wondered where he even lived at now since he was older. He prayed it wasn’t back at home with his father. That shit would be a disaster.

***

Ian was a mess, he was taking his medication like he was supposed to, but he was a mess emotionally. He had to see his therapist that evening because of everything that happened. Mickey didn’t remember him, didn’t know that he was married, didn’t know who he was, didn’t know a thing. The doctors told Ian and Mickey's siblings that “Amnesia is a tricky problem and too much information at one time could harm Mickey and overload him.” They couldn’t tell him too much information and that he had to remember everything again on his own. Telling him could cause a major problem for his brain and it could result in fatal consequences to a point where they could lose him. Ian was upset, but the doctor told him that “eventually it’s the thing that a person loves most that he or she will remember in the end, but it just takes time.” Time and patients. Ian would wait for him, for the rest of his life if he had to in order for Mickey to remember him again.

Ian had gone back in the room and spent the last bit of time with Mickey has he could. The Doctor told Ian that he could come back tomorrow and that maybe Mickey would remember more by then, but now he had to go and visiting hours were done. Of course Ian was pissed about this, talked backed to everyone in the hospital, but left anyways. “Fine….I’ll be back tomorrow.” Ian said and turned and waved at Mickey “Night Mick.” Ian said

Mickey smiled at him and waved back at Ian “night” he said to Ian.

Ian looked back at Mickey and thought to himself as he left the hospital I’ll be damned if you don’t end up remembering me Mickey Milkovich. One way or another you will remember that I’m the love of your life.

***

Fucking Amnesia….Amnesia of all fucking things; fucked up how the universe works huh? Ian was sitting in his sala at home drinking a cup of coffee reading up on everything he could to help Mickey get his memory back faster. While in the sala, looking up things on the laptop, Ian was twisting his white gold wedding band absentmindedly. There anniversary was coming up soon, and now this…this accident. His mind went to that day. The ceremony they had, with only close friends and family who were allowed. Frank was this close to being invited, but Mickey said hell fuck no. He even thought it would be funny to tape it and send it to his old man in prison, but Ian said no and then laugh and thought about it before finally saying no. Ian smiled and remembered that day and how nervous he was, and how Mickey was trying to make him laugh his nerves away. But when he went to recite his vow, it was the look on Mickey’s face that took away all of those nerves.

Ian continues to think about that day and then all of sudden his phone goes off. He looks at it and his heart skips a beat at the caller ID on display on it. It was him! “Mickey?” Ian says loudly

“Oh Hey, Red, um I mean Ian.. well can call you Red? I mean it seems right for some reason so I figured I call you that? Because well you know I can, and being injured and all” Mickey said laughing at the end. Ian could tell Mick’s voice was stronger now and much more confident as he spoke over the phone. Ian could tell, of course he could, he knew Mickey well and this made him smile, he had almost believed that nothing bad had happened and that this was a fucked up dream.

“You always used to before,” Ian says to him like nothing. Mickey had started calling him that when they started dating again, and Ian thought it was better than Gallagher, plus he like the way Mickey called him Red. However Ian knew that he had to be careful with the amount of information he said to Mickey. The Doctor told him and his siblings that “too much information could break him” and no one wanted to do that, especially not Ian.

Mickey laughed lightly over the phone and Ian can almost feel that little sneaky ass grin that Mickey must have on his face right now. “Well… these assholes finally fucking released my phone back to me. Mandy’s over here, she was fucking shocked at how my phone didn’t get so damaged. It has a fucking crack down the middle, but it’s okay I guess. I even remember the code number to open it up”

Ian's heart climbs with every word he is hearing Mickey say to him. “So…you’re remembering things now? That’s good Mick, um is that why you decided to call me?”

A simple sigh comes from the other end of the line. “I don’t know, man. I remember the accident pretty clearly now, but nothing else. I was driving and I had the light, you know the right away and then bam. This fucking car comes out of nowhere and hits me…..This huge fucking car running a red light and smashing right into me and then nothing. Just…a bright light consuming everything in sight. Then blackness, it feels like blackness and then I woke up in the hospital with no fucking idea of who I am and then I don’t know man. …Its fucking terrifying and I don’t know…” 

Ian took a breath to collect himself from the description Mickey just gave him “So do you remember anything else? I mean besides the accident that is” Ian asks hopefully. He hope Mickey remembered more.

“Yeah…Yeah no actually that’s why I was calling you man. I remember you, Ian. At least something about you anyways…I ah remember seeing you, but where I don’t know really. It was just like a flash really. I was behind a wall glass and we looked at each other but that’s it. And I remember a woman to. That bitch looked scary as fuck, but seemed nice I guess. But I still have no clue, who you are or why you looked so broken and why I was behind the wall of glass and we looked at each other. I remember you walking away that’s it, but nothing more really.”

Ian spits out a harsh sigh to himself and thought. Why do I look so broken? You ask. Well let’s see. First things first, The best thing in my life came back to me and we’ve been happy for so long and yeah now this. The love of my life almost died and yeah. That’s enough to break anyone. But of course he doesn’t say this out loud. He can’t, he just thinks it.

“Mickey the doctor told me not to blast you with too much information. The only thing I can tell you is that you should know that you’re someone very precious to me and seeing you like that was…rough. If you would have seen you when you first came in the hospital and were in recovery, yeah man. You would look broken to.” Ian said to him.

Mickey sighed “Fuck… okay fair enough I guess….shit man, I don’t wanna be more messed up than what the fuck I already am, but.” Mickey said and sighs then asked Ian again “Look is there like anything you can tell me, anything at all? I can’t fucking sleep red, and I won’t be able to unless I have some grasp of who the fuck I am red.”

Ian thinks about what to say for a few seconds. “Well, you’re good at pool, really good at it even scammed a few people when we use to hang out at the Alibi, you like to fix cars and draw.”

Mickey made a light chuckle over the phone. “Damn, I guess I’m like a jack of all trades or some shit huh?”

Ian laughs over the phone “Oh god, I hope not. You use to do it a lot. Hustle that is, it was the only way to survive at one point. But you grew out of it, learn to grow and be more.” Ian said to Mickey

“Hmm…well that’s pretty in explicit…. So red? You gonna tell me more, or what?” Mickey said flirting over the phone with Ian, or trying at least.

Ian sighed sadly “Mick I really shouldn’t,” then Ian continues on “The doctor will have my ass or worse if you wake up tomorrow with all of your memories intact. Which by the way won’t be so good for you; Dr. Nieves would know I talked to you and I’ll be in for it. She’ll probably have my license suspended or something. We should wait until we get more information about your condition before I give you a rundown about your life.” Ian said to him.

“Such a fucking boy’s scout are we….” Mickey said and then sighed dramatically “FINE! Be that way then, I guess you’re right in some fucked up weird way or some shit. At least now I know that you have a lot of information on me….. I must a little special to you right?” Mickey asked Ian.

Ian wanted to so badly say Oh you have no fucking Idea the half of it, Mickey Milkovich-Gallagher. You’re my life, my rock, My meaning for living, the reason I wake up every day and do what I do, you’re my fucking anchor, my everything and you have no fucking clue how much we have been through to know how special you are to me. Your more than special Mickey, you’re my soulmate the beginning and end. Ian so badly wanted to say that he really did but couldn’t and had to hold back.

“Yes…Yes Mick you’re more than just spe-” Ian was going to say but was cut off

“Oh fucking shit, dammit Ian. I have to go. I hear the nurse and that bitch is-“ Mickey was trying to say but was cut off.

Ian overheard the nurse and laughed “Mickey Milkovich! What the hell do you think you’re doing!” a sharp voice rings out from the other end of the line.

“Fuck. Bye, Ian. See you tomorrow Red.” Mickey said. And with that the phone line goes dead because Mickey hung up.

Ian places his phone down on his lap and looks down at his screen saver on his phone You’ll remember, Mickey. He thinks himself.  **You have to.** He now says out loud.

******

Not long after the phone call with Mickey, Ian received another phone call from the hospital. Dr. Nieves had called him to tell him about Mickeys’ condition and how fragile his state of mind is. Apparently the tests on him revealed his amnesia is rarer than most but not uncommon; if Mickey learns too much information at one time his brain could overreact and cause him to go into a catatonic state for god knows how long.

*****

Dr. Nieves had came into the room while Mickey was awake being told by the nurse that he couldn’t use his phone now and he had to rest. Nurses could be overbearing at times, but they had good hearts. Dr. Nieves need to explain to Mickey what she just told his husband and siblings over the phone.

She explained that the trauma was worse than she had feared, so Dr. Nieves insisted and instructed that Mickey should try to relearn everything on his own. With that being said he had to have little to no help here and there. She went on after that, but it was all technical talk and Mickey’s mind was way past the itinerant stage.

*****

Ian didn’t sleep at all; his mind was too preoccupied with all his thoughts and feelings. This was going to one hell of a ride. He knew it was, but didn’t know if he was prepared for it.

*****

Mickey also didn’t sleep that night; he was too much into thought with what the doctor told him about relearning everything and starting from scratch. He was pissed at that, and refuses to listen anymore. He tried hard to reach into his mind, as foggy and dark as it was he tried to and grasp his memories. But it was like he was trying to a keep penny from falling. Every single fucking time Mickey thought a memory was approaching he mentally struggled for it but always came back empty.

This shit was driving him fucking nuts and up the god damn fucking walls. Not being able to hold any concrete thoughts was pissing Mickey off. It’s like he’s standing in his own mind and like there’s this big fucking wall, like the big great wall of fucking china or some fucking big tall wide wall like the buildings downtown in Chicago or New York and its surrounding him and standing in his way. And everything he knows or has ever known is fucking being held captive by his brain on the other side. Which is fucked up by the way.

Mickey turns over on his bed and sighs loudly throwing his head back against the pillow. He then looked at the clock and saw the time. 8:17 am. FUCK! He got no sleep at all and can’t really sleep. Just as he’s about to try to attempt at sleeping some, a light knocking comes from the door.

“Look Doc if you’ve come in here to fucking throw a fit again, I will fucking throw something at you okay! I’m fine; you don’t fucking have to check up on me every two fucking seconds.” Mickey said harshly

“…Hello?” a young voice says, yet its unfamiliar voice rings out from the doorway.

A younger boy comes through the door and looks up at the man on the bed. He has blonde hair, and really blue eyes. He moves toward the bed and doesn’t know what to say, but he waves to Mickey

Mickey waves back and smiles “Who are you? Where are your parents?” Mickey asked him

The little boy seemed so emotional, but knew he had to be careful, the doctor told Mickeys family just how vulnerable his mind was. “My name is Yevgeny…Yev for short, and my mama she’s outside waiting to see if she can come in.” He said to Mickey 

Mickey nodded his head, just than an average yet tall woman with green hazel eyes comes in the room, and is speaking another language at the little boy. She turns and looks at Mickey “You not remember me or Yev do you?” she simply says

Mickey shakes his head “Nope!” He says with the pop of the P. “Am I supposed to?”

“What you think” She says to him in a thick Russian accent and then raises her eyebrows at him and then begins to speak Russian again but this time it’s at Mickey.

Mickey looks at her and then just gets upset all of a sudden “I don’t know what the fuck you’re say! Speak fucking English” Mickey shouted to her and then she stopped. For Mickey it was like déjà vu or some shit

And in an instant of clearness Mickey had that feeling again as if his walls were crumbling and he was remembering. It was like when Mandy came to visit him with Iggy and all the walls came down like a door opening and he remembered his siblings, but still there was something missing in those memories and it was weird to him. But now it was like his mind was swirling with images and yet gaps at the same time. Like something was missing still from those memories but he was remembering her, and his son….Oh shit…His son!…Mickey had a son! He remembers his son and it’s like his mind went in a full blast of colors, and memories came to the surface. He remembers everything about her and his son as much as he can. Svetlana he remembers he used to be married to her and now he’s not.

Images of his son growing up at a certain point with him, laughing and crying, race into memory and Mickey remembers it all. Of course, how could he forget his own son?

“…Svetlana? Yevvi?” Mickey says lowly.

Svetlana opens her mouth and so does Yev and the little man soon makes it into a wide smile as he approaches his dad. “See mama, I knew he would remember, especially with you speaking nothing but Russian and talking. Daddy always hated when you did that! See I knew it!” Yev said excitedly.

“I remember you…I remember both of you,” Mickey says in absolute in shock and surprise look on his face. “You’re my son, how could I ever forget you!?” Mickey says and grabs Yev into a big hug, which is returned right back. Mickey looks at Svetlana and smiles “and you’re a pain in a ass! How could I forget your’ stupid ass” he says to her smiling at her.

“Fuck you.” She says smiling back at him.

Mickey was about to speak and say something to Svetlana again but cut himself off when he saw Ian standing off to the side with a saddened look in his eyes. Those green eyes were pulling him in like a tide to the shoreline. Svetlana noticed and looked to were Mickey was looking at and said something to Yev in Russian really quick, who looked up and turned around and saw his papa there. He knew he couldn’t say anything so he smiled at him sadly.

“Come Yevgeny, we have to go. You have school,” Svet said quickly to him. She then looked at Mickey again “I’ll bring him again later on for you two to bond” and with that she exited the room, closing the door behind Mickey and Ian, before Mickey could say anything.

There was silence in the room and Mickey wanted to say something but nothing came out. All Mickey could do was stares into those green eyes and try his hardest to remember anything at all about this Ian. He sees the emptiness in those eyes, the sadness and it rip Mickey apart.

“So…” Ian says after a few minutes of silence. “How are you doing with…remembering things? Anything else you remembered?”

“Kind of yeah….I’m making some progress. I remembered I have a son. Yev. He just left and umm Svetlana. Crazy Russian bitch.” Mickey says laughing “that’s about it for now…. I’m really, really sorry I still don’t remember who you are; I feel fucked up because of that.”

Ian shakes his head no “Don’t, and besides that’s amazing progress, Mick….Eventually the other memories will come in time….. Besides, I have a few idea to spark some old memories, even if it is a little dangerous.” Ian said smirking at him.

Mickey immediately perks up at this. “Ian man, I’m so desperate for any new information that I will do anything.”

The other man grins as he avoids Mickey’s gaze, his eyes set on the ground looking at his feet. Mickey can’t help but notice his stomach does a double flip when Ian smiles up at him now, and he definitely won’t admit that the sun hitting Ian’s face makes him look so beautiful with all those freckle on his face and his eyes are more greener than ever.

“Well Okay, hear me out,” Ian says in a nervous voice. “So I read this thing online about amnesia after your accident and I learned that going to places where memories happened can trigger them in the brain. Now I know you don’t remember me, but maybe you would if I took you to the places we’ve been together. Dr. Nieves told me earlier that it’s very possible but also potentially risky. You could end up remembering too much information and go into overload of shock, or it could not work at all. But I mean fuck man, it’s at least worth a shot, right?” Ian says to Mickey.

Everything in Mickey’s body is telling him no, no don’t go and do this, it’s too risky. His mind is even booming that this is too risky and he could end up a catatonic nursing home like the doctor told him, but of course his brother and sister wouldn’t let that happen, and it seemed like Ian wouldn’t let them put him in a nursing home. But his soul is raging with a fire and it’s like it’s a magnetic pull that he can’t put out. He needs to know who he is. Who the fuck is Mickey Milkovich? He needs to know and has to know.

“Fuck yes, I’ll do it….When and where?”

******

Ian was happy Mickey agreed to let him take him to the places he was sure Mickey would remember. Now he just had to wait for Mickey to be released from the hospital to do so. At home Ian is setting aside things he needs to take Mickey out. He walks into their bed room and doesn’t hear the door open and close.

“Ian”

Ian turns around and sees Mandy in front of him “Hey Mands. What’s up?”

“Nothing much really, wanted to see how you’re holding up.” She asked. She was concerned for Ian and his health as well as her brothers. Mandy is looking at Ian and points to the chain on his chest with a ring on it “Is that…” She says trailing off.

Ian looks down and nods his head “Yeah…yeah they ah were able to salvage it from the accident. It was found by his car…..must have fallen off when he was thrown from the wreckage or something. The Doctor gave it to me to hold.” He stares down at the white golden ring; he thought it was lost, but then it was given back to him. The rings meant something to them. Mickey had picked it out and Ian loved it, they each inscribed something inside of it and only got to see it the day of the wedding. When Ian started visiting Mickey at the hospital and saw the absence of it on his wedding ring, and it hurt.

And suddenly Mandy goes to hug Ian who returns her hug but us now in heavy tears and is sobbing more than he ever did in these past weeks. The lack of sleep the lack of physical contact with another human being, he ended up pushing himself over the edge.

“I know Ian I know,” Mandy murmurs into his ear, rubbing small circles into his back. “You’ve been through so much the both of you. I know I can only imagine how you’re feeling.” She says and pulls back to look at him.

Ian tries to respond but can’t as the words get stuck in his throat, the tears blurring his vision. “You know it’s just not fair, it’s not fucking fair! None of this is fair!” Ian manages to get out, his fists curling up into balls and he looks back at Mandy.

Mandy looks at him sadly “I know Ian, I know it’s not, but think of this as a like a blessing and shit or like a new start okay. Think about it really; you two get to fall in love all over again! Ian Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime, and think about how strong your relationship will be when Mickey’s memories re-emerge back…. Don’t give up hope yet, Ian Gallagher.” She said to him firmly yet soft. Ian smiled at her sadly “Hey I read that link you send me, and in some cases like these the most important facts are the ones that resurface last. SO who knows right? Just because he hasn’t remember you doesn’t me he won’t. Maybe your more important to my brother than you think” She said to him smiling. “Are you going to be okay Ian?” she asks with a bit of concern in her voice.

Ian nods his head. “I think I’ll be okay,” he replies roughly, quickly wiping the runaway tears from his cheeks. “I just don’t really know what to do…I feel like the whole universe is falling apart and somehow me and him are in the middle of it.” Ian said to her.

Mandy smiles at him softly. “Ian if there is one thing I know. I know Mickey, and trust me even though he’s not Mickey, Mickey yet. He’s tough son of bitch and things that fall apart…. Well they always can be repaired and come back together….I mean you guys did right?”

Ian rolls his eyes and smiles at her. “Who are you and what have you done with my Mandy” He says at her. “You’re just a big ball of wisdom today aren’t you?”

She gives him one strong hug and looks back at him. “You didn’t know? I secretly run this universe. It’s my bitch, I have to be wise.” She said jokily to him and making him smile.


	2. Those Four walls now our Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will remembering his past be a thing? Or will it trigger some emotions and thoughts that Mickey never told Ian. Will this bring them together or not.
> 
> Sorry not so good with this summary thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. I didn't get to edit pt 2, but I did edit part one and you guys can go back and re-read as I added more to it. Also I hope you love it. This was fun to write. I know I'm late but I wasn't feeling good earlier and fell asleep as I wrote it sorry. 
> 
> But again leave your comments and kudos and love. I love hearing from you guys and again Thank you Dani your awesome and amazing. Here's pt 2 i hope I did justice by it.

After 1 month and 18 days later, Mickey Milkovich was finally able to walk outside of the hospital and be like a free man or some shit. He felt the fresh air on his face, and  breathes in the air. It felt too good. The sun was bright and beaming down on his face, he loved it every single moment of it he loved.

 

Mickey honestly started to lose hope when he was in the hospital. For a moment there he thought that he would never be allowed to leave the hospital. Like ever.  The doctors continued to do extensive tests on his brain, in order to determine if there was any other trauma outside of his amnesia. If there was any more trauma then they wouldn’t allowed him to leave. But once the hospital found out that Mickey wasn’t destined to turn into a vegetable at least that’s how he puts it into words (thank fucking god), they decided to let him go within hours of doing his last test. YES! FREEDOM!

 

While during his stay at the hospital Mickey learned more things about himself. Like how he was a mechanic who ran a shop on the north side of Chicago. He ended up remembering that because he got bored and decided to take apart the remote control that was there for his TV. Its wasn’t working so he decided to take it apart and fix it. Then he remembered how he likes to take things apart and fix them. Then he remembered from that, how he was a mechanic and he was certified as one even.

He discovered that he really did love drawing things when he was doodling things with Yev when he visited him. He drew a picture of him and Yev, but the picture look incomplete to him and Yev told him “That’s because there’s more to the picture, but you’ll remember dad.” He even discovered that he was kind of a nerd. He was good at math and had a love for Sci-Fi shit and loved to watch Lord of the Rings extended edition. Yes he had them on DVD and Blu-Ray. He remembered.  And the amount of games he had he remembered, it was weird that he would remember these things. He remembered how he loved to play video games when he was walking around the hospital and went into the pediatrics side. He saw a few kids playing and smiled at them. He eventually played the Wii U with them and let some of them win, not teenagers though.

Some of his memories with Yev came back as a baby. For some reason there was a sad feeling coming over him when he thought of his son as a baby. It was as if he was distant from him, but close as well. Mickey didn’t like that feeling. He made a mental note to ask Svetlana why, but had a feeling she wouldn’t tell him even if he asked. While watching baseball on TV he remembered how he was the coach of his son's’ baseball team. That made him smile. Other things he remembered were how much he actually likes to read. Whether it was books or fanfiction, he likes reading them.  He also remembered being locked up; that was where he got his love for reading books.  But he couldn’t remember why he was locked up in jail for, and no one was telling him. It was a small progress, but progress all the same.

 

When Dr. Nieves came into his room with the release forms for Mickey to sign, he was pretty sure he’d start singing his ass off. No, he did start singing to himself, that’s how happy he was.  He was so fucking excited. Mickey was a free man again, so to speak. It was only when he put on the outfit that Iggy brought to him before he left the hospital that he realized he had no clue where he was going. Where the fuck did he live? He knew what he did for a living, but he didn’t know where he lived at.  What made up his daily life? And he damn sure well knew he didn’t live back in that old fuck up house back on the south side. Hell fuck no.  There was no chance he was going back to his pops house. Shit that asshole didn’t even visit him in the hospital.

 

“Hey Mickey! There you are!” a familiar voice rings out from behind him.

 

He jumps back lightly and he spins around. Ian was standing there looking quite good. Yet he was slightly excited. “What’re you doing here, Ian?” Mickey says

 

“Well the hospital called me to say you were being discharged. So I came to pick you up and make sure you’re okay,” Ian says to him explaining. “I didn’t know you would be so fast getting out of there; where were you headed to?”

 

Mickey shrugs. “I don’t know, Red. I was just fucking excited to see anything other than white walls, so I just left without really thinking about where the fuck I was going.” Mickey says.  “Also I have no idea where I live. I hope I don’t live back at my pops house. Shit I don’t even know if I have any friends? How am I supposed to do this Ian? Where do I sleep tonight?” Mickey says frantically “What if I never remember anything anymore and have to rebuild my life from the start?” Mickey said upset now “I want to fucking remember I don’t want to fucking relearn everything again!” Mickey sighed “Sorry man… I didn’t mean to like yell and get upset.” Mickey said now. He felt like he had to apologies to Ian. He didn’t want to see him sad, or hurt. Ian looked really amazing smiling when he did.

 

“No don’t it's fine….Look Mickey, everything is going to be okay,” Ian says calmly. “Your memories will come back, I’m sure of it, but we’ve got more important things to do now.” Ian said smiling at Mickey

 

Mickey furrowed his eyebrows together and looked at Ian tilting his head to the side slightly “Oh Yeah Red…like what?” Mickey says slightly amused

 

Ian smiles mischievously. “Well, getting you out of that fucking ugly clothes for starters….seriously what the fuck are you wearing Mick?” Ian said to him

 

Mickey looks down and brushes his fingers against the spotted polka dotted design shirt, with very baggy jeans that didn’t fit him. Iggy said it was the only thing he could find on short notice that was inside his closet. That shit concerned Mickey if this was in his brothers’ closet let alone the taste in his clothing.  

 

Ian softly laughs at Mickey and raised his eyebrows at him while smiling. Mickey couldn’t help but playfully glare back at Ian and feel this fluster feeling in his stomach when Ian smiled at him.  His smile reached his eyes, So Mickey knew he was smiling for real at him. “What?  You think you’re so much better, Gallagher? With your tight ass shirt and pants? And your stupid beanie hat” Mickey said to Ian playfully with no venom behind his voice. Mickey simply smiled at Ian and chuckled as he shakes his head.

 

 

“You wanna know something about yourself?” Ian said smiling at Mickey and then slowly goes up to Mickey and leans over his shoulder “You like it,” he whispers in a low voice against Mickey ear that it makes Mickey shiver in excitement. That makes Ian grin. “Oh c’mon, you’re not afraid of me, are you?” Ian says playfully licking his lips at Mickey.

 

Mickey bites his lip and stays silent for a moment. Of course Ian doesn’t scare him; despite the intimidating appearance Ian has and gives off. It’s very clear that Ian wouldn’t hurt a fly. Mickeys’ mind for some reason just won’t let him explore anything when it comes to Ian. The big unanswered question that has been torturing around his thoughts for weeks is: Who the fuck is Ian to him? And why does he feel like it’s a fucking mystery. A part of him is secretly scared that something will ruin this, a part of him feels like something did happened between, but then for Mickey he feels it’s bad. That is what kind of scares him a bit. But right now he pushes that back, and feel the butterflies in his stomach, any and every time Ian is around?

 

 

When Mickey doesn’t respond Ian pats him on the shoulder and saunters forward, to his car. “Well you know what Mick. Sorry for the spoiler alert and having to break it to yah… but um see; me you. (Ian said point to him and himself gesturing between him and Mickey) we’re good friends almost like best friends. So with that being said, it’s my fucking job to help you remember that.”  Ian opened the door for Mickey so he can get in the car. Without even thinking twice, Mickey got in the car and Ian closed the door as he walked around the car excited to help his partner remember him.

 

Mickey smiled and looked over at Ian as he entered the car and put the keys in the ignition. “So where the fuck are we going Red?” Mickey asked Ian buckling up his seat belt.

 

“To the baseball field” Ian replies and looks at Mickey. “You and me Mickey Milkovich, are going back to where we first met, and you’re going to remember who I am.” Ian said pointing to himself and smiling.

 

When Ian pulls up to a field where both him and Mickey first meet as kids, he is sure Mickey will remember something from their childhood. What he’s hoping to have him remember is there time here. How they either fought or how when they ended up getting back together Ian brought Mickey out here, and did put out a blanket so they could look up at the sky of Chicago. It was a special time that day. They had just started going out and going on dates and this was one of their first places Ian took him after they ate at a diner. So in a way this was a very special place to them.

Both of them went into the field walking across it, like they always did. They go and sit on the benches. Mickey looks around and looks at Ian now waiting for him to do something or say something. Nothing. Nothing comes to Mickey's’ mind about this place. “I don’t know what to tell you Ian….this place doesn’t remind me of anything.” Mickey says and gets up and walks over to out into the field.

Ian sighs and walks right behind him into the field with Mickey. “So nothing at all…nothing comes to mind about me or you? Especially me?” Ian asked

Mickey looks at him and shakes his head. Then he tilts his head to the side and walks over to first base and starts laughing. The walls that are up in his mind are coming down slowly, but they stop again for some reason. Mickey suddenly remembers something from his childhood, and he remembers seeing a redhead boy with freckles…it was Ian. Mickey turns around and is still laughing “I pissed on first base as kid….and you.” Mickey says pointing at Ian walking up to him “You were on second right? You saw me and you were laughing at what I did. The coach kicked me off the team for it.” Mickey says laughing then he stops and looks at where homebase is at. Now more memories are starting to come to him “I come here….I come here with Yev and….and sometimes you with his little league team that I coach.” Mickey says and turns around to look at Ian “You're there always cheering the team on with…with your family?” Mickey says to Ian

Ian smiles and nods “Yeah.” Coughs and composes himself “Yeah, me and um my family come here all the time to cheer on Yev and his team.”

“Yeah…I remember Yev was on second base and he stole third and when the other kid on the team tried to throw the ball to third…he fucked up the throw…he threw the ball too high and Yev said fuck it and ran home!” Mickey said excitedly to him. “I was so fucking ecstatic about it, and he said you taught him how to steal bases, so he did it.” Mickey said to Ian “You taught my son to steal bases Ian…I know it might sound stupid but thank you. For some reason it means a lot to me so thank you.” Mickey said sincere to him.

Ian smiled and nodded his head at Mickey. “Yeah, no yeah you can say I’m like his second dad. He looks up to me, but you….You Mick are his hero.” Ian said honestly. “So… nothing else you remember?” Ian said hopefully

Mickey looked at Ian “Nah man I’m sorry. I’m guessing this place is more about Yev and I guess me knowing that I knew you since we were kids huh? So I guess we are good friends….it’s just I can’t remember anything else….you would think I would though right?” Mickey said to Ian

Ian smiled at Mickey “It’s okay…I got a few other place I wanna take you.” Ian said and with that they left the field.

Ian wondered if that place didn’t jog Mickeys’ mind then what would. If not their first date, then what? But the next stop wasn’t too far from here so Ian drove Mickey too where he hoped he would remember him.

*******

Ian drove Mickey to the abandoned buildings on the south side. Even that was a bust. Mickey didn’t remember how him and Mickey used to chill there and how he would help Ian train when he wanted to join the army, or how they use to go there and drink and do other things. Nothing. What Mickey did remember was how he use to go there and get away from his dad, or just go there and shoot shit for fun or at least when he thought it was fun.  

Ian took Mickey to the bridge. That was the night they got back together sort of in a way. That was the night where Mickey found Ian when he had a manic episode. That was a dark time, and yet also a good one in a way. At this time they were friends still and nothing more before Ian made his move on Mickey. This was the same night that Ian was going to jump off the bridge and kill himself. He’d been down and depressed and Mickey saw it, everyone did, but they were carefully with him.  Ian was having a down point and it so happened that Mickey had called him to ask where he was. When Ian told him “I can’t take it anymore….I don’t want feel like this.” Mickey went to him in a heartbeat. He forced Ian to tell him where he was at over the phone and kept Ian on the phone with him till he got there. It was Mickey who talked Ian off the bridge from jumping.

That was the day Ian told him he was still in love with Mickey, but how he knew Mickey didn’t love him anymore and how much he fucked up. Ian poured his heart out to Mickey that night at the bridge, and Mickey stood there watching him.  Mickey told Ian he still loved him, but that it hurt too much to let him back in, but that if he left him like this. He would never forgive him. That day Ian hoped Mickey would remember, that day Mickey told Ian “You jump off that fucking bridge and I swear I will bring you back from the fucking dead and kill you myself!....” When Ian didn’t move or respond to him “You want to leave me again! FINE Leave ME! (Mickey shouted at Ian then lowered his voice almost choking up as he spoke again to Ian) But you better fucking remember this and remember it well, and know that it’s you leaving me…. Again. Do you hear me! Do fucking get it! (Mickey shouted again at Ian) I love you, okay yes I love you….(Mickey was breathing heavy and tried to calm himself down). But how can you say you love me, when you keep leaving me.” Those were the exact words Mickey said to him and Ian would never forget it.

That was the night he got down from the edge of the bridge and kissed Mickey again for the first time in what seems like forever. That was the night they decided to try and be together again. That was the night Ian knew and swore he would never leave Mickey no matter what.

Mickey didn’t remember anything from the bridge; Ian figured maybe it wasn’t that important to Mickey. But then again he couldn’t think like that. It had to be important to him; this was just not the memory that would help bring him back. So Ian tried other places.

****

They ended up driving around a bit, eating at a few places that Mickey and him ate at in the past. And nothing really, nothing but Mickey remembering that he loved orange juice and banana pancakes and that he had a fucking bad sweet tooth.

Ian figured that they try one more place before the day was over and they go back to their apartment.

“Ian man, I know you want to help me remember…but I’m fucking wiped out man. And I still don’t know where the fuck I’m staying at tonight…or ever.” Mickey said.

Ian looked over at Mickey and smiled “okay Mick, but one more place okay…just one more.” Ian said and gave Mickey those puppy dog eyes

Mickey sighed “okay…fine. One more place but then that’s it man; I really am fucking tired. But I had fun today Ian…I really did red.” Mickey said fondly to Ian and Ian smiles at him. “okay so where are we going now?” Mickey asked

“Well it’s a place I like to call The Alibi” Ian says to Mickey

When Ian pulls up in front of the beat up place, Mickey almost thinks that they’re going to get robbed. He then checks his surrounding and make sure no one is following them. This place looks familiar, kind of feels familiar but then again it doesn’t to him. The bar is definitely a fucking hole in the wall on the south side of Chicago. There are cigarette butts around on the floor, there’s a tall fucking looking muscle bartender behind the bar. The place is kind of empty there’s a few people here not many. Ian and Mickey sit at the bar stool and Ian introduces Mickey to the bartenders behind the bar.

“Mickey this is Kevin, Kev this is Mickey.” Ian said

“Hey man, nice to meet you” Kevin says to Mickey.

Mickey shakes his head and turns to Ian “So this is the alibi?” Mickey asked

“Yeah, this is the alibi…bring up any memories?” Ian asked hopeful

Mickey shakes his head “Nah man sorry…buuuut. I see a pool table calling my name. You wanna get your ass kicked.” Mickey says to Ian

Ian nods his head and they head over to the pool table, which was so conveniently not occupied. After a few rounds of playing, 3 games of which Mickey won, and 1 that Ian won. Mickey said it was because he felt bad for Ian losing so badly, that he let him win.

Mickey went up to the bar to order a drink for him and Ian, but then all of a sudden he stopped and looked at Kevin and then back at Ian, and then back at Kevin. He saw a woman beside him. She was pretty, loud, and aggressive. Mickey had order two beers and Kevin looked at him and then at Ian who nodded his head.

When Mickey got the beers, he looked at them and then shook his head “I don’t drink anymore.” He said to himself and then looked up at Kevin and the woman standing next to him…who was she? Mickey turned to look at Ian “I don’t drink anymore do I?” Mickey said to him

Ian smiled at him “yeah. You stopped drink a long time ago. When you got out of jail you didn’t have a taste for alcohol anymore. You even said it-” Ian said but was cut off

“Taste like ass” Mickey said finishing Ian’s sentence and smiling at him “It does take like ass.” Mickey said and then looked back at Kev “Sorry man, I don’t drink.” Mickey said and then looked at Kevin again and…Veronica? Yeah that was her name. They also called her V as well. She’s been with Kevin for years now, but she married Svetlana for her green card and now they were divorced and Kevin and her were finally married. Mickey remembered because Svetlana told him. While he was in jail locked she divorced him. For some reason that made Mickey sad and he didn’t know why. He remember his time in jail, it was okay, not the best. He felt alone when he got those papers, but relieved as fuck as well.

“You're Veronica” He said and she nodded her head at him. “You V and Kev…..fuck! We use to run the rub and tug.” Mickey said and then his eyes widen and he turned to Ian. “Fuck Ian! I use to be pimp!” He said to him and turned to Kevin and V “We were pimps!?” He says more of statement then a question to them and laughs, and then stops. “Oh my god! Svet was a hooker?”  Mickey said and then his head started to hurt again.

Ian looked at Kevin and V in concern and then went up to Mickey.  “Mick…Mickey hey you okay?” Ian asked

Mickey shook his head no “No…no man I can’t fucking remember. It’s like I knew she was a hooker I remember her being one, but I don’t remember how we met…And Svetlana won’t tell me how me and her met and why we got married if she knew I was gay?” Mickey said to Ian who had a sad facial expression on his face. “You know don’t you?” Mickey asked Ian. “Ian come on tell me…please.” Mickey said to Ian.

Ian shook his head no “I’m sorry Mick I can’t…..that’s one memory you have to find.” Ian said to him and Mickey just sighed and rubbed his face.

Mickey looked at Ian and gave him a small smirk “Asshole.” Mickey said to Ian

Ian suggested the play a few more rounds of pool and then decided to leave. After leaving the Alibi, to Ian it was clear that even thought taking Mickey to different places would help with the lost memory it fully help him completely.  But all it did was make Mickey remember other things and not him. Mickey can see that this is making Ian more sad and he didn't understand why so much.

 

“I’m sorry, Ian. Really I am, but I’m still stuck. I guess those places didn’t cut it man.” Mickey says to Ian

 

“It’s fine, Mick you don’t have to apologize. We’ll just go home,” Ian said to Mickey, but Mickey notices that he’s still sad about everything.

While on the drive home, Ian couldn’t help but want to just scream his lungs out to the universe for cursing him or something. It was as if he thought of everywhere to take Mickey, where he would think Mickey would remember him and yet nothing about Ian even sparked his memory about him. Ian wanted too so blow the fuck up right now. He felt like it was his own fault that Mickey couldn’t remember anything about him? Was he really that unmemorable for Mickey not to remember him? Not to remember who he was to him?  Does Mickey not love him as much as he loves Mickey? No! No, Ian couldn’t think like that, he quickly removed those thoughts from his mind. Right now he could not afford to think like that, not when Mickey needed him the most.  

When they reach the apartment building both men exited the car and got inside the building. Ian goes in his pockets and looks for his keys. Once he finds them he opens the door and pushes it. He makes his way to the sala straight to the sofa and throws himself on it. Sighing loudly; he was exhausted and he was sure Mickey had to be as well.

Ian begins to doze off a bit, he was about to fall asleep, but then he noticed that Mickey was staring at him from the entrance way of the sala. Mickey was smiling softly at Ian and Ian smiled right back at him.

Ian sits up and looks up at Mickey. “What are you looking at?” Ian asked

 

Mickey shrugs his shoulders and puts his hands in his pocket.  He then leans back against the door frame and looks around in the sala while he talks to Ian. “Just you; you being you, you know. It’s kind of nice to see you like this. Like all natural and shit. I guess I sound weird saying that don’t I?”

 

 _ugh you fucking sound fine, you're usually natural with me and that’s fucking nice as well._ Ian thinks to himself angrily. He’s not mad a Mickey, he’s mad at himself mostly.

 

Mickey then continues to speak and brings Ian out of his train of thought. “This place is nice….but I got this weird feeling that…it feels like I know it or some shit?” Mickey says more to himself. “I can’t help but feel like I’ve been here before, or like this…this is like so fucking weird man….I know this place Ian.” Mickey said to him. “ Oh shit! I’ve lived here before haven’t I?” Mickey asked Ian, but before Ian can say anything Mickey speaks again. “No scratch that shit!...Wait the fuck a second…I live here! With you, don’t I?” Mickey asked Ian as he smiles big. “We’re roommates right?” Mickey asked to Ian excitedly.

 

And if Ian’s heart didn’t swell up more than it just did, well then fuck him, because right now it is.  He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. Mickey’s memory wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t fixed, but for now Mickey remembering that they live together will have to do at this moment.

This made and gave Ian confidence that hopefully Mickey will soon remember everything and right now it was best not to push it. “Yup. Me and you do live together.” Ian says to Mickey “You have lived here for about hmmm 5 years now, I moved in 3 years ago.” Ian said.

 

Mickey smiled and just nodded his head slowly at Ian. He slowly looked around the sala and then in the hallway and then Mickey made a face and looked at Ian. His squinted his eyes at Ian with his glasses on making him a bit blurry and then smiled brightly at him “Ian! I remember where my room is at!” he said as if he were a little kid again. Ian sighed and sat up on the sofa and gets up from it and went into the hall to follow Mickey who was now entering his room.

Mickey saw how big the room was. He saw how his bookshelves has a collection of books and comic and the DVD and Blu-Ray collection he had. There were also medical books as well, that were Ian’s but he didn’t know that. In fact Mickey didn’t realize he and Ian shared the room. The curtains were black, their bed was a king size bed. But Mickey didn’t know that he shared this room with Ian. Ian doesn’t know if this is a blessing or a curse in some weird way.

 

“My room has always been my sanctuary man… how could forget this baby man.” Mickey says to Ian

 

Ian laughs just as Mickey goes and throws himself on the bed. Mickey then flips himself around and just stares up at the ceiling. Ian walks over to Mickey and hesitantly takes a seat at the edge of the bed.  Ian doesn’t want to invade Mickey’s space at the moment because seeing Mickey back in this bed, their bed; reminds Ian of all the nights they have spent with one another. Ian remembers all of those precious nights they spent with one another entangled together. Ian so wants that again, he misses it so much.

 

Mickey body sinks into the bed just right, and he sighs and looks at Ian. “Something still doesn’t feel right, Ian” Mickey says. Mickey sits up slightly on his elbows and looks at Ian as he speaks “I still feel like there's something missing. Like there’s this huge part of me that’s still gone. It feels like, like my brains is a puzzle and there’s still pieces missing.” Mickey says to Ian. “Ian…Ian what if I never remember? What if I never remember and I'm never whole again? What if like-” Mickey says but Ian cuts him off

 

“Come on Mick, you can't think like that,” Ian says to Mickey turning more towards him. Mickey is now lying down on the pillow looking at Ian. “Now listen to me you ass; I believe in you okay. You Mickey Milkovich are a tough son of a bitch, who takes no crap from anyone. Who speaks his mind, and who has a fucking heart of gold. This Mick.” Ian says pointing to Mickey's’ head. “This will all come back soon and do you know why? Because you my friend are strong, and you’re a fighter. And it’s important that you never give up on that okay. There’s so much more important shit for you to remember Mick. You just have to give it some time….Plus it’s like the doctor said okay; it’s usually the most important things in your life that will come back to you last.” Ian says to him in the most loving way.

 

Mickey then sits up and puts the pillow on his lap and it playing with it and looks at Ian “Well with that being said and since I can’t remember you for the life of me. Does that mean you’re saying that you’re really important then? Because I don’t see you as being a cocky son of bitch Mr. Ian Gallagher,” Mickey says grinning at Ian.

 

Ian laughs “Hmmm well then I guess you really don’t remember me at all, now do you Mick? See because I pretty much know that I’m a cocky son of bitch. About hmmm I wanna say like 75% of the time!” Ian says laughing. And soon Mickey laughs with him and it Ian's stomach flip over and over again.

 

“I must really love you then,” Mickey says with no hesitation.

 

Both men freeze at this moment as the words easily left Mickeys’ lips. Both of them are shocked and there’s a silence in the room that comes after.

 

“I’m sorry, Ian.” Mickey now says “I have no idea why I said that…I honestly don’t. It’s just…For while know I kind of had like my suspicion that maybe there was something between us or that maybe there is and that it might be something special…..Ian for some reason I can’t fucking shake the feeling that we were together once at one point, and even if we’re not anymore, I still have this feeling that me and you… we.. I don’t know man.” Mickey says looking away from Ian

 

“Mickey look” Ian says my Mickey cuts him off

 

“No Ian look. I don’t wanna know okay. Before you say anything to me, please don’t…. please? I’m asking you not to” Mickey says and he’s still not looking at Ian. “For some reason this feels like this is the one thing I need to remember on my own… okay?” Mickey says to Ian

 

“No I get it Mick of course I won’t say anything,” Ian whispers softly to Mickey. “Anything you want or need from me, you got it.” He says to Mickey

 

Ian carefully watches Mickey now. He’s taking off his glasses and it setting them on the nightstand next to the bed. He looks nervously around the room not know what to say. Ian takes that as his cue to leave and retreat for the night. “Um…I’m gonna let you get some sleep okay” Ian says. He gets up to leave the room, but he feels Mickey’s hand on his arm and it stops Ian from Moving.

 

“Ian?”

 

Ian turns and looks at Mickey now in his eyes “Yeah, Mick?”

 

Mickey seems nervous but confident at the same time, but yet vulnerable as well. “I don’t wanna be alone tonight…you mind staying with me tonight?”

 

Ian doesn’t know what to say let alone do. A part of him is tell him no don’t do this. It can’t be good and it can’t end well. Mickey has to remember on his own first, he can’t push Mickey. But then another part of him, his heart is tell him it will be okay to just stay with Mickey.  It’s that reason that Ian doesn’t hesitate to stay with Mickey in the room and is now seating inches away from Mickey.   Mickey lies down now and turns to his side and looks up at Ian, and Ian does the same being opposite of Mickey lying down right next to him facing him.

 

Both men are just looking at each other, not saying a word. Their taking in each-others gaze and it’s as if so many hours, minutes, and seconds have passed. It’s not long before the space between both men slowly but surely shrink, till there’s almost no space. Being only a few tiny spaces apart from each other. Ian is thinking of so many things right now. One of how he should be here, and it’s okay and the other of how he shouldn’t be here, because he doesn’t want Mickeys mind to go haywire and overload.  Ian is wondering how this situation could go and it’s not long before that Mickey closes the space between them and their lips connect together. This kiss is amazing and Ian's body flares up in heat as Mickey kisses him.

Ian had no clue as to how much he really missed having Mickey next to him.  Kissing him, holding him, and just even gently combing his hands through his hair while Mickey cups his face as they kissed. It was amazing. It was like fireworks on overload. Like life was being brought back into Ian and it was just as it was the very first time they kissed. Whiling kissing Mickey, Ian pins Mickey down to the bed and their bodies become intertwined together.

Soon after it’s not long before both men take their shirts off and throw them to the floor. Mickey lets his hands run over Ian’s chest and it makes Ian shiver at the touch of Mickey doing this to him.  In the moment of ecstasy it’s now that in this moment right here right now; that both men desire one another. Ian forgets that Mickey doesn’t remember, he forgets that right now. Because at the moment he gives into the sensation of ecstasy and bliss of Mickey and him in bed. He gives in to the fact that Mickey is under him holding him. Something both men have been wanting and needed. The touch of one another in a way they hadn’t known they needed.  It’s in this moment that everything just fades away to them.

*********

 

The next morning something happened. And neither men didn’t see any of this coming. The sun had woke up, and Mickey thought he was back at the hospital but he wasn’t.  He quickly figured out he was in his bed, in his apartment. The thoughts of last night came to Mickey and he soon realized what happened.  Mickey then quickly turns over to find Ian sleeping on his side with his arm over Mickey. Mickey was little spoon and Ian was protecting him. The sunlight manages to hit Ian in the face and he turned his head into the pillow and sighed in it with his eyes still close.

 

Mickey without thinking brushed some of Ian’s hair away from his face. He then turned to get his glasses to put them on, but then suddenly stopped. And it was then that the wall of his memory came crumbling down and memories of him and Ian came to him. Mickey started to smile, but then his smile faded away and he got up from the bed and looked at Ian hurt. Mickey remember the first time they slept with each-other, the first time they kissed, the whole Ned thing, Ian dancing in the club, the whole bipolar situation. Ian staying in bed for weeks, and Mickey arguing with Fiona saying they could take care of him. He remembers Svetlana and what happened and how his father forced her on him. Him being raped, him coming out to his dad at the bar, in front of everyone! Then Mickey remembered the last thing, the last thing that hurt the most.

Mickey remembered Ian breaking up with him that day and how much it hurt. Mickey remembers getting arrested and being sentence on some bullshit charges. He remembers Ian coming and remembers what he told him. How Svetlana paid him, how he didn’t want to see him and Mickey knew it and felt it.

“Morning” Ian says to him in a groan “You okay Mickey?” Ian says now sitting up on the bed naked. Mickey facial expression is hurt and angry and Ian fears something is wrong. Did he cross the line last night. Should he have stopped it. Fuck!

Mickey is looking at Ian with a hurt expression and says lowly “Get out…..get out!” he shouts now

                                                               

Ian sits up and puts his pant on “Mickey what wrong?”

Mickey is shaking his head “after everything…after everything I did for you….I loved you….you, you fucking abandoned me!...You fucking left me! All I did was love you, all I wanted to do was protect you and care for you and….you left me.” Mickey said and his eyes were glassy now “You never loved me… you only used me.” He said finally and at the same time he let a few tears come out of his eyes.

Ian looks up at him confused “Mickey what you talking about…Mick look” Ian says carefully “look me and you were good now…please tell me you remember everything and not just half” Ian says emotionally.

Mickey looks at him confused now “I remember you breaking me…you breaking my heart….I remember that day you broke up with me….I remember you cheating on me…I remember me looking for you when you were high out of your ass. I remember getting arrested and you not caring about me…..” Mickey said looking at Ian who was now slightly crying and Mickey saw the tears come down his face but didn’t care and he continued to talk. “I remember you being paid to visit me….shit Ian you even fucking told me Svet paid you…You have no idea how much that hurt…no fucking clue. You didn’t want see me, you didn’t want look at me…Fuck you didn’t even care enough to know if I was okay. You just left me, abandoned me.” Mickey said now picking up his shirt from the floor and leaving the room.

Ian was right behind, he needed to explain at least. “Mickey, no that’s not how it was I-“ Ian said but was cut off by Mickey.

“No! huh Ian it wasn’t. That’s bullshit and you know it! You fucking dumped me, and didn’t give a fuck about me anymore…..For fuck sacks I loved you, and you knew I loved and you just took that and used it….That's what you Gallagher’s are good for right! All you fucking know how to do is take, take, take, take, and never give anything back!” Mickey screamed at Ian “I gave you everything…Everything I had even though it wasn’t much I gave it to you….I would have died for you, shit I nearly killed Sammy for you….but you, you didn’t care.” Mickey said going into the sala and wiping the tears away that were threatening to come out of his face.

“You just fucking…do you have any idea what it feel like? HUH?” Mickey asked Ian and when Ian didn’t respond Mickey continued to talk. “Do you know what it felt like being locked away, knowing that the only person you ever loved in entire your life didn’t love you…didn’t miss you, didn’t want you…(Mickey was breathing in and out faster than normal as he spoke) Do you have any fucking idea what it felt like to be alone…to have no one, not a goddamn person miss you or want you even need you…” Mickey said now and he couldn’t hold it anymore as tears came down his face now “I was alone…I had no one. Shit when Svetlana sent me the divorce papers I was happy to get rid of the bitch, but then…Then it hit me that not even she needed me. That I was so unimportant to everyone that what was the point of living…No one would want me, shit I didn’t even want me…the one person who matter the most to me was you, and you threw me away. You never loved me as much as you wanted me to admit it to you, you never loved me……Ian I wanted to die so bad because it was like my heart hurt physically. It was like a needle going inside of it and ripping it apart.” Mickey said to Ian

With what Mickey was saying to Ian; Ian finally realized that this was the first time Mickey ever opened up to him about his time in jail and what he felt. And for Ian to now find out that he hurt Mickey so badly, just made everything worse. How can you convince the man you love and are married to right now that, he forgave you. That you're truly sorry and love him more than you ever could, more than yourself and would do anything for him. Ian had no idea what to do right now. “Mickey please….please you have to believe there's more to all of this.”

“Oh yeah like what Ian! What? You think me and you can be fixed? That me landing in the hospital after my car accident happened and losing my memories would make this all better again!? Well no it fucking didn’t Ian!”

“No Mickey No okay. There’s more to your story, you’re just not remembering it all. Trust me baby-”

“Don’t! Don’t you fucking call me that!” Mickey shouted to him “I bet the only reason you slept with me was because you felt guilt right…the only reason you’ve been showing me all these places is so that you can feel less guilt or for laughs right! Or are you fucking like doing this so you can what!... I don’t think so. What you fucking think that I will get past all the shit that happen, but it won’t….it won’t Ian.” Mickey said emotionally shaking his head “you don’t…no, no fuck you! Get out!” Mickey said to Ian

Ian shook his head “NO! No I told you I fucking told you, I would never leave you again. So No.” Ian said snapping at Mickey now

“No you fucking didn’t you liar!” Mickey shouted back at Ian, he was started breath heavy right now, and he felt like he was suffocating. His lungs were trying to obtain air and but they weren’t. His body was begging for air, but there was none.  Mickey suddenly started to feel lightheaded now. Bring up being in jail and his feelings he didn’t like doing. It now felt like the whole universe was closing in on him. He felt like he was dying, shit maybe he was.

Ian noticed this and was suddenly in front of Mickey holding him up trying to have him focus on him and control his breathing.  “I forgot you’re liable to have panic attacks, fuck!” Ian says “Mickey? Mickey please I need you to listen to my voice and breathe in, and breathe out. Okay…” Ian said to Mickey, but Mickey was having a hard time listening to Ian. “Mickey please I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I caused you so much pain. Please just listen to my voice and breathe in and out.” Ian said to Mickey while holding his face in his hands.

After a few moments Mickey was able to control his breathing and was leaning on Ian. He was shaking and Ian was just holding him tight apologies to Mickey over and over again. Mickey was just there lying on him, listening to him. For some reason apart of him wanted to keep Ian near him, but another part of him wanted to push him away and kick his ass. Then he heard Ian speak “One more place….one more place Mick…that’s all I’m asking of you. Please….” Ian said and Mickey moved away from Ian and looked up at him.

For a moment he didn’t say anything and didn’t even move. It was as if he something was happening to him. His mind was fragile and Ian knew it. So right now he was scared that he did something wrong to Mickey when he didn’t answer him and just stared out at the floor.

Mickey’s mind was everywhere right now. He didn’t know if he could believe Ian or not. But something was telling him to say yes to Ian. He still felt like something was missing and that something wasn’t right. Like he wasn’t completed yet; so right now with Ian begging him to go with him somewhere else and one more place…well it couldn’t hurt now could it. I mean he was already in so much pain. What more could Ian do to him now then he already has done….So now

“Yes…..okay fine.’ Mickey said weakly.  Mickey fear this, he feared that what he would remember would do this. Over the past few weeks He had become ridiculously accustomed to Ian, feeling almost empty when he wasn’t around.

Mickey had realizes that he ended up knowing more about Ian than he ever imagined in the month he was in the hospital. Yesterday was so perfect and comforting, and apart of him never wanted to remember what he did about Ian. About the break up, all the heartaches. He remembers caring for Ian. Mickey was scared that if he remembered anything that he wouldn’t anymore feel what he started to feel for Ian. He managed to somehow fall in love with the man standing in front of him. But now he didn’t know what to do. So the most logical thing was to try one more place….and if he didn’t get what he needed then Ian would be gone from his life. Because he couldn’t take the pain again, it fucking terrified him.

***

Once both men were dress, Ian tried to talk to Mickey, but he got nothing out of him.  They got in the car and drove and Ian told him again “Mick… I know you don’t want to be around me, or even believe me…but trust me okay. Please try….I’ve got one more place to show you today and I’m pretty sure you’ll remember this one.” Ian said and then he whispered “You have to remember.”

 

Mickey gave Ian a questionable look. He just looked at Ian for a few moments before speaking “You seem pretty fucking sure about yourself.” Mickey said sarcastically and saw the hurt on Ian’s face and sighed and looked away as he spoke again “Where is this place anyways Gallagher?” He said

That hurt, Mickey hadn’t used his last name on him in so long, that it made Ian flinch. “You’ll see Mickey….you see.” Ian said and sighed

The drive to was about 30 minutes, when Ian stopped the car and put it in park. Ian got out the car first and then so did Mickey.  They were in front of a build; the outside looked modern, nothing fancy really. The windows were tinned and for some reason this places had a certain charm to it, and it felt familiar to Mickey right then and there. As they stepped inside the place something in Mickey sparked.

Ian pulls out his phone and starts to play a song from it. The song is familiar, it's from the Brood and he remembers that. That song was special to him, but he couldn’t quite remember why.  He heard it playing now. This song…this song was doing something to his mind that made him tear up and he didn’t know why. Why was this song so special to him, and in this place of all places.

**_You walked in and said “I’ve got some news_ **

**_I didn’t say all I wanted to_ **

**_You know I told you that I wasn’t scared. Well I_ **

**_Lied.”_ **

**_You told me, “Babe I only think of you.”_ **

**_And I said, “All I’ve got is a bunch of sad stories.”_ **

**_And I told them all before the night was through_ **

**_And we cried, oh but we’re here now_ **

**_And I’m trying hard to make you love me but I don’t_ **

**_Wanna try to hard_ **

**_And I’m trying hard to take it lightly but we’re here now_ **

The song continued to play and there was something special about this song that hit home for Mickey in the most weird yet right way. Mickey looked around the place and saw the rows of chairs and the stage in front. He walked more towards inside and got a better view of things. There were lights streaming around inside, the windows were colorful and the floor was a beautiful black marble. There were some flowers on the chairs and an actually arch of set up at the front of the stage in the middle. And now it was as if the walls started to crumble and fall slowly.  He had been here before, the place held something special he could feel it.

There was a wedding here, a few years ago. Two 1/2 years ago, it wasn’t a big wedding it was a small one. One with family and friends and….but whose wedding was it? Mickey couldn’t remember. His mind was still keeping a huge part of his memory from him….Whose wedding was it and why was it so hard for him to remember. The song continued to play and he held on to the song’s lyrics and tried to remember. He was so close he knew he was.

When Mickey got up to the front he stood there, he didn’t know he was standing at the exact same spot he was at when he and Ian got Married… The song played again it being on repeat and then…that’s when he remembers all of it, and it’s like his memories are coming back. Like a flooded gate has been up and is crashing the walls around him in his mind. Every single bit that was hiding inside his mind started to come to play in his mind.  Mickey could feel all of his mental wall in his mind crumbling down.  It was like this massive big impact of everything, even things he didn’t remember with Ian earlier as teenagers he was remembering now.  

**_Those four wall now are the only place that I can_ **

**_Breathe out_ **

**_And those four walls now are home_ **

**_Those four walls now are the only place that I can_ **

**_Fell_ **

**_Those four walls are home_ **

The part of his brain that was holding on to all the memories of him and Ian or Ian alone came back to him and all of these pictures and moments of his life, all of the memories that were hiding behind that wall were coming back. It was as if they were desperately wanting and trying to be freed.  His head is swirling and he feels like he was just winded and now has to focus again as his mind is racing with all of these memories again.

**_I wanna make you feel how I feel when I’m listening_ **

**_To love songs_ **

**_I wanna take you to the peak of everything that you_ **

**_Are_ **

**_You’re everything I need tonight_ **

**_And I’m trying hard to make you want me_ **

**_But I don’t wanna try too hard_ **

**_I was thinking you got what you came for_ **

**_But you’re here now_ **

 

He remembers now, he remembers how when he was released how he told no one. How he got a job and was okay. How he came to Svetlana and told him he was out. How she and Debbie conspired to have him and talk to Ian. How after fighting it for a while, both him and Ian gave in and started to talk to each other. They agreed to be friends and how that one night changed it all for him and Ian, as Ian confessed that he fucked up and loved him. On that bridge was when Ian was going to jump and Mickey was there for him. Just like he always will be. How that was the night he and Ian’s relationship changed and Ian kissed him and he kissed him back. How he made Ian gain his trust back and how it took a while, but it was worth it to the both of them.

**_Those four walls now are the only place that I can_ **

**_Breathe out_ **

**_And those four walls now are home_ **

**_Those four walls now are the only place that I can_ **

**_Fell_ **

**_Those four walls now are home_ **

He remembers their first date at the baseball field and all the other dates from then. How for their first anniversary Mickey surprised Ian with taking a trip to New York for a weekend. He remembers all the fights the arguments the almost break ups, the love making, the happiest moments in their lives in his life. The day that Ian got down on one knee and said “Mick I know you hate shit like this, but this; this has to be traditional.” He told Mickey and then proceeds to ask Mickey to marry him.

**_Falling at the hand of a perfect man_ **

**_Falling at the hand of a perfect man_ **

 

Suddenly everything was perfectly fit and put together in Mickey's mind.  It was like a weight was lifted off of him. The reason for that was because of the song being play and with this place, this reception hall that they got married at. They didn’t want to get married in a church, they wanted to do something different and this place was different. Everything was back just as it was how he left it in his mind, only with new and more experiences he went through for these almost 2 months of his absence. Ian was playing their wedding song from his phone, Four Walls – from Broods. That was their wedding song Mickey picked out and Ian loved it instantly.  

“Those four walls now are home, Those three words now are the only thing that came to save me. Those three words are home” Mickey repeated from the song as Ian looked at him and smiled with tears in his eyes “Ian” Mickey whispers “Oh fucking hell Ian.” Mickey choked out walking up to Ian and hugging him for dear life “I remember red….I remember everything now…everything and I’m so sorry.” Mickey said holding tight to Ian.

Ian was holding Mickey tighter and didn’t want to let for anything right now at the moment. It was him and Mickey, just as it should be. Ian pulled back and said “What you remember exactly Mick.” He asked him.

"I remember your name is Ian Clayton Gallagher, I remember you’re the best fucking paramedic in Chicago….I remember you proposed to me on our anniversary, and that you got down on one knee and said ‘mick its traditional’….I remember your favorite dish is anything pasta. I remember that you hate olives and that you love pepperoni. I remember that your birthday is November 16, and you were born at night because you always said you were a night man like fucking batman….I remember that you did everything in your power to show me that you love me and gain my trust back which you did….I remember that you changed my life again and you swore to me that you would never leave me.  You showed me that I was worthy of being loved, because of you I have a family and I know what home feels like again.” Mickeys said with tears in his eyes. “I remember making a promise and you making the same promise in front of our family and friends to lov-“ and Mickey was cut off by Ian, who was now kissing him.  That kiss was what felt like home, felt like love, it was what felt right and always has been right. Ian cupped Mickeys face and continued to kiss him passionately as Mickey reciprocated to the kiss eagerly. Mickey’s fingers entangled in Ian’s hair. They devoured each-other and with this kiss, this was the kiss that brought every missing puzzle piece that Mickey was search for together. This place, their wedding song that was playing on repeat now, this kiss that was just right. And suddenly…Mickey felt whole again, he felt complete and him again.

After a few moment of endless kissing, they broke the kiss and both men gently place their foreheads together with their eyes closed and smiled. Breathing in and out each-others scent. When Mickey moved his head back to look at Ian, he saw tears coming down his face. He knew Ian was happy to see him again, after all this time. Ian stood by him and never left him. Mickey already knew that Ian would never leave him again, but this. This right here, this event in their lives proved to everyone and the whole universe. It proved that Ian wouldn’t leave him ever, and neither would Mickey.  He had to fight for his memories, but he didn’t lose hope and kept fighting for it, fighting for his life.

 

“You’re a fucking asshole you know that?” Ian said look at Mickey “It fucking took you long enough Mickey” Ian teased Mickey. And Mickey knew that; that was Ian’s way of saying he missed him.

 

Mickey just shook his head and looked into those green beautiful eyes of Ian’s and said “How the fuck could I possibly forget you, red? Huh?.....How could I forget the love of my life…how could I forget my own husband?” Mickey said and kissed Ian. “thank you” he said lowly to Ian "thank you for being the most important person in my life " Mickey then said to Ian

 

Ian wipes his face and cups Mickey’s face looking into his blue beautiful eyes. “You don’t have thank me baby…..I promised you I wouldn’t ever leave you again….I’m never letting you go again.” Ian says to Mickey and kisses him again and then hugs him close “Not in this life or the next or ever…..fuck your stuck with me for eternity,” Ian whispers into Mickey’s ear.

 

Mickey smiled at Ian again and kissed him before he said “I love you so much Ian Gallagher.”

 

“I love you too, Mickey Milkovich-Gallagher…and you know what?” Ian said asking Mickey

“What babe.” Mickey said happily looking at his husband like he was the moon and the stars

 

Ian took the chain that was wrapped around his neck that held his husband wedding ring. He took it off carefully and placed in his hand and looked at Mickey. Mickey looked up at Ian and gave him his left hand easily. Ian then slide Mickeys wedding ring back on his ring finger and kissed that same hand again, without breaking eye contact with his husband. “See…now all is right in the world, and the world and the whole universe knows that you Mickey Milkovich are right where you’re supposed to be and that with me.”  Ian said smiling at Mickey

Yeah…yeah I am.” Mickey said looking at Ian and his wedding ring then back at Ian.

Ian looked at Mickey and wrapped his arms around his waist and said “Can we go home babe.” Ian said to him

Mickey looked up at him still wrapped up in Ian’s arms and shook his head “no. no you still don’t get it do you.” Mickey said simple with a smile on his face. And put his arms around Ian’s Neck and kissed me lightly “Ian…wherever you are, is home Ian….don’t you see I’m already there babe.” Mickey said to him

And with that Ian kissed Mickey again and together they held each other as their wedding song played again on repeat. They danced to it as they both sang along to the song to one another smiling. To at one point both Ian and Mickey said smiling at each-other “ **_Those three words now our home.”_ **

Mickey smiled and Ian and both men held each other till the song finish. Not once letting go of one another. They walked out the building into the car and drove home. Still holding hands and when they got home….well it was home to them and will be forever. Because true love was something they both have for each other. As they walked home Ian thought to himself and looked at Mickey. "It's the important things that makes us remember...... I was the last thing for you for you to remember Mick." And said to Mickey

Mickey looked at Ian and smiled "yeah well, it's the things we love the most that some people remember last...." Was what Mickey said

It was why Mickey knew that Ian was his. Because the comfort of true love being at home was the best feeling in the world. Because those four walls are home and Ian was just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the the link to the song from the Broods Four walls which this song is based from. https://youtu.be/-tTWOf3Pm6Q
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tTWOf3Pm6Q
> 
> I hope you love this and please leave your comments.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.  
> I Haven't forgotten my other fics, I'm still working on "I know who I am don't I?" and "Life Unexpected" Soon I will post the next chapter for each fic. 
> 
> So listen to the song and let me know what you guys think. I figure this was a perfect song for these boys. Don't yah think?
> 
> Love you all xoxoxoxoxo


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